Help! I Can’t Get Out Of This Party!
By: SaRita Hartin
We’ve all been invited to attend social events that we’d rather avoid. The question is: do we want to avoid the event because we don’t like the people or do we want to avoid the event because we’re too shy?
For me, it’s almost always the latter.
Over the years, I’ve found some definite tools to help me attend parties and actually enjoy myself while I’m there.
First, if at all possible, go with someone you know and trust. This will ensure you have someone to talk to who shares your interests. It’s even better if that someone is outgoing and can break the ice when you’re introduced to new people.
When you get to the party, as you’re walking up to the door: Smile! Not that fake, cheesy grin, but a genuine smile that says, “I’m happy to be alive.”
Greet your host or hostess when you arrive. If they’ve invited you to their party, chances are they already like you. If your first encounter in the social situation is with someone who knows and likes you, this can be very empowering and will make it easier to communicate with others.
Go into the party with a mission mindset. You don’t have a mission? That’s ok, I’m going to give you one:
At every social event you attend, your mission is to find at least 5 people who seem to feel out of place. They may be leaning against the wall with that sickly “what am I doing here?” smile. They may be hiding out in the kitchen “helping” the hosts. They may be going to the bathroom every 5 minutes and never actually talking to anyone else.
These people are your targets. These are the people who feel just like you do. They are shy, maybe painfully so, and they don’t know what the heck to do.
You know how they feel. You know what they need from you. How do you know? Because they ARE you.
Wouldn’t it be wonderful if someone would just come up to you and say, “Hi, I’m Joe. How are you?” Imagine what a relief that would be.
Each time you find one of your 5 people, you’re going to go up and say, “Hi, I’m…How are you?” Remember, they are struggling with shyness just like you are, so they are NOT going to reject you.
You’re going to find out their name. You’re going to find out how they know the hosts. You’re going to find out what they do. You’re going to find out if they’re married, have any children, have any neat hobbies, etc.
The second they say something that you are interested in, even if you don’t know much about it, it’s time to start asking questions. Remember your listening skills and show them your sincere interest.
The first time you do this, you will feel extremely awkward. I mean EXTREMELY awkward. After that first time, when you see how well you’re received, it will become a breeze. You might even be amazed to find out you enjoyed a party for the first time ever.
Just as a side note: The first time I tried this technique, I ended up spending the entire party talking to one person about a subject I knew absolutely nothing about. He was so passionate about it that it became interesting to me. He felt so empowered by me just listening that he now considers me a good friend. So just keep in mind if you don’t get all 5 of your targets, it’s ok - as long as the reason you didn’t get 5 is because 1 or 2 were so darn interesting.
For more help on dealing with shyness, visit us at http://ShynessSecrets.com.
SaRita Hartin runs ShynessSecrets.com, a site dedicated to helping shy people live happier, more fulfilled lives. She can be reached at info@ShynessSecrets.com.